i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
