i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
