just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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