I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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