Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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