:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
