Your mouth is God's brothel.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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