I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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