I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
