i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
