hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
