census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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