i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
