worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
