I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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