I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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