So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
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