just come out here and I will go home with you...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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