I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
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I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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