ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
