don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
