i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
