shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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