I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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