He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
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