Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
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