I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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