It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I will be naked everywhere
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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