remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
