dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
