Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
