so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
