do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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