Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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