you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
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