I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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