ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
do herpes really smell.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
