I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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