Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
