Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
