Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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