can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
