So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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