omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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