he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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