Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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