They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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