She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
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We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
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There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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