We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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