my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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