nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
