Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Randomize
