God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
