if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
