So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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