I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do herpes really smell.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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